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Does life imitate fantasy football? Or does fantasy football imitate life? Have I taken a borderline obsessive hobby too far? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you may also acquiesce to the level of my insanity. Yes, finally after weeks of stonewalling, reputation tarnishing, and struggling to score points, my fantasy team will soon have the services of Michael Crabtree! Oh… and the San Francisco 49ers have successfully signed the media proclaimed, “mercurial” rookie wideout to a 6-year deal worth 17 million dollars in guaranteed money.

Roughly speaking, the agreed contract translates to an extra million to the 49er’s previous offer and an extra year tacked on. Both sides can claim victory as the Niners “only” added an extra mil and another year onto their previous 5-year deal of 16 million guaranteed while Crabtree didn’t look like he crossed the picket line for naught. He could also conceivably use this as a chip on his shoulder to destroy the Oakland Raiders and WR Darrius Heyward-Bey (the unintentional source of all this hoopla and the recipient of 23 million over 5 years that Crabtree so desired in equality or excess) every time they play each other much like the way Randy Moss destroys the Dallas Cowboys every time he laces up against them.

That means after months of standoffs and surprisingly mild (by today’s standards at least) barbs between the two sides, the ordeal has concluded with Crabtree reporting to camp on Wednesday and properly meeting his new teammates. Stealing an ingenious reference from one of my friends, the Niners didn’t have Crabs, but still had VD (TE Vernon Davis). Not so anymore, a 3 and 1 rejuvenated once proud franchise haunted by recent years of mediocrity now can move on and hope Michael Crabtree can become the deep threat they desperately need to complement an already solid team.
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As any casual gambler can attest, every time a trip to Vegas with your friends looms on the horizon, each guy will invariably swear that he’s going to utilize discipline, proper money management, patience, and not go crazy with the bets. He promises himself and to each of his buddies that he’s going to stick with flat betting a certain amount, say $10 or $25 and not venture beyond that no matter what the situation whether he’s down a lot or up a lot the duration of the weekend. Of course any casual gambler will also agree with me when I say that lasts for maybe all of 2 seconds as the thrill of winning and the desperation of losing could both induce ultimately the greed of degenerative gambling. What starts with flat betting in accordance to patience, discipline, letting the cards come to you instead of chasing bets, and taking risks, really ends up turning into taking 75% of your bankroll and placing $200+ on one hand of blackjack only to see the dealer almost always turn over a king with his 6 card up, then dealing himself a 5 to figuratively crotch-punch you and your feeble 18.

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Opening week in the NFL did not disappoint as there were certainly highlights, some nail biters, blowouts, and plain old “what the fudge” games (see Denver @ Cincinnati). Like me you could grow tired of the Favre-grab-ass enjoying himself like a little kid, he just loves to play football broken record, or like me you could have a mad manly man-crush on Mark Sanchez aka the 2nd coming of Joe Willy Namath.

Whatever floats your boat or roasts your toast, rest assured the best is yet to come. Week One brought out the best in quarterbacks (Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger, Drew Brees, Tony Romo, and Joe Flacco to name a few), while an APB was sent throughout the league for any semblance of a viable running game. The only big-name running back to have a field day was Adrian Peterson while lesser knowns Mike Bell, Julius Jones, and Ray Rice comprised the only backs with 100+ yard days. Read more…

Another year another season, yet oddly this past offseason seemed to feel like the longest I’ve had to wait for a new round of NFL football to commence. I think it has a lot to do with the annoying offseason tabloid-like atmosphere that lingered around too long like a bad double bean/cabbage burrito that’s taking its 2nd turn around your intestines. Waxing inspirational poetic metaphors aside, it’s time for some gridiron action!

Ignoring all the Michael Vick witchhunts, the Tila Tequila Twitter Tweetfest, and the soap opera circus, will help us focus on instead the substantial important headlines that will affect the actual games.

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So last week we held our annual fantasy football draft for the PPR/PPC/TD league I have commissioned for the better part of this decade. The results were ample amounts of offensive smack talk amongst friends/semi-strangers (aka internet acquaintances), but overshadowed by needless unsolicited generic compliments for “nice picks” that frankly is akin to congratulating a child for pooping in their diaper. In other words, yours truly was doling out the cheese in good form.
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