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There are six active players who are an integral part of their football teams (there may be more but we’ll touch bases with the recognizable ones) that are over the age of 35. Astoundingly, four start at quarterback for their respective teams: Kurt Warner, 36 (Arizona); Vinny Testerverde, 44 (Carolina); Jeff Garcia, 37 (Tampa Bay); and of course Brett Favre, 38 (Green Bay). Add in the fact that Morten Anderson who is 47!! takes part in placekicking duties for the Atlanta Falcons. If anyone ever needed a shot of Viagra, that would be Anderson who kicked the football 35 yards straight down the middle last Monday Night. The problem? It was a 48 yard attempt. In his defense, he did nail a 47 yard FG earlier, but perhaps due to MNF starting so late, the Falcons may have had to wake him up before his second attempt.

What does this all mean? Absolutely nothing other than that hopefully all of these gridiron geriatric gladiators have good health insurance, and that their IRA/signing-bonuses-tucked-away-in-a-savings-account is safe and secure, because between the current state of social security, and the sorry excuse for a retirement fund known as the NFL pension plan will not be enough. Beware, you may soon see all six hocking various ads for Cialis, Viagra and Enzyte. So take heed, NFL Players Association executive director, Gene Upshaw; if the sight of Kurt and Brenda Warner in a commercial for Viagra doesn’t scare you, it should.

How is this relative to the discussion of this week’s matchups? Nothing. I just wanted to see how many times I could squeeze the word Viagra into one article. Three and counting, with the dubious references to erectile dysfunction only serve as reminders that this is Sportsboner.com, and it wouldn’t be kosher to go a day without sophomoric remarks. Plus not to mention internet surfers typing in Viagra (four times now) or erectile dysfunction will be led astray to our site, where we welcome the traffic.

As we are nearing the midpoint of the season, it has become very clear that:

a) The AFC is still better than the NFC, although the denizens of the AFC East (other than New England) are putting football to shame. (see the # 28 on the Power 5 page for more)

b) With Dallas toeing the line but ultimately looking up at elitism, it looks like New England and Indianapolis are the teams to beat. This parallels the early 90s when Dallas and San Francisco drew a better matchup within their own conference than the Super Bowl itself. I cannot think of another team that is as balanced as these two. From Green Bay’s inability to run the ball, to Baltimore’s inability to score at all, many of the various 5-1 and 4-2 teams out there do not offer the balance in my opinion that the Colts and Patriots do. Though the Colts have given up points, they are weirdly 5th in total defense giving up only 278 yards per game. This would obviously be the achilles heel while all of a sudden, the Patriots go from a pass-happy-run-when-we-need-to team, to a team that is leaning on its 3rd string RB, scatback Kevin Faulk. Don’t let the last name fool you, he is no Marshall Faulk, though he has been a very solid role-player for the Pats. But that’s where the problem lies, he is best suited for 3rd down situations, not for carrying the ball 20+ times a game. Think of him as an older, slower, and smaller version of Brian Westbrook. Well if you think of it that way, just think of him as NOT Brian Westbrook.

c) I noticed this all season, but waited until my favorite team got their butts handed to them to mention it. The Patriots dirty tactic of running up the score should/will come back around and bite them where the camera don’t shine. In 5 out of 6 games this year, the Patriots scored a “middle finger” TD with less than 4 minutes left and a lead at least by more than two touchdowns. Apparently they are positioning for BCS seedings. Proponents of the Patriots will say no lead is safe, and it’s only over when the last second ticks, referring to the Cowboy’s Monday night miracle only weeks before. Please. You’re the Patriots, you’re 6-0, and your egomaniacal head coach can’t blow a 14 point lead with 5 minutes left. That would be blasphemy! If for one game, this would be excusable, but 6 games straight with the game not in doubt, a blatant eff you TD at the end to ice it only shows the arrogant self-serving nature of your 2007 New England Patriots.

Why the hate? While it is easy to vilify the New York Yankees, Los Angeles Lakers, and Dallas Cowboys of the sports world, we do it because they were good, they were cocky, and they had every right to show this off. The New England Patriots qualify for all three of the above attributes, only that they added a new one. We’ll disrespect all of our opponents because the world disrespected our leader who was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It doesn’t matter if everyone is doing it, he was caught plain and simple, on week 1 playing in New York, the headquarters of the NFL of all places, and after the commissioner explicitly warned about such shenanigans of all things. The ensuing half-ass excuse/arrogant smug attitude from Belichick and brazen immediate cover-up by the NFL only throws fuel on the fire.

It’s OK though, because the Dolphins will win straight up this Sunday. Because if there’s a bigger conspiracy than “camera-gate”, there’s the ‘72-Dolphin’s-Champagne-Viagra (the final count is five)-filled-orgy-of-perfection conspiracy. You think a bunch of old men hanging on to memories will let smug-ass Brady and Belichick taint their perfect season? I actually don’t know how they could influence this game, but I am not naive to think they can’t. What does this have to do with anything? Nothing other than I’ve tied the beginning of this article to the end: geriatrics come full circle!

NFL YTD: 42-39-8
Last week: 4-7-2

Tennessee @ Houston +1.5

Tampa Bay @ Detroit -2

New England @ Miami +16.5

Atlanta +9 @ New Orleans

San Francisco +9 @ New York Giants

Baltimore @ Buffalo +3

Arizona @ Washington -7

Kansas City @ Oakland -3

New York Jets @ Cincinnati -6

Chicago @ Philadelphia -4.5

St. Louis +8.5 @ Seattle

Minnesota @ Dallas -9.5

Pittsburgh @ Denver +3.5

Indianapolis -3 @ Jacksonville

At the beginning of the season, I hastily proclaimed LSU, OU, and USC the class of the collegiate league, the cream of the crop, head and shoulders above the rest. Ready to anoint them, or “crown them” as Dennis Green would say, may have been a bit premature.

Speaking of premature, what do you expect from someone who equates sports with erections? Nevertheless here at sportsboner.com, we stand by our predictions because after all, nothing happens when we’re right, and nothing happens when we’re way off (other than loss of credibility). However give us some credit for not pulling a Lou Holtz, and picking Notre Dame or East Carolina to win every game. At least we didn’t guarantee such things unlike a very very large certain running back Jorvorskie Lane of Texas A&M. Props to my friend Micah for sending this picture of J-Traaain defiantly raising his arms in protest to the chants of “Guaranteed” by a ruckus crowd last Saturday that included yours truly. I didn’t yell, I was too busy worrying about my car that was parked at the back of a Josie’s Burrito Mexican Restaurant, being possibly towed because I might have been in the way of the drive-thru. Luckily nothing happened because all of Lubbock was busy cheering on the Red Raiders to a 35-7 victory over the Aggies.

So here we are approaching week 8 and all 3 “elite” teams were beaten by the likes of Kentucky, Colorado and Stanford with the Stanford loss especially damning for the Trojans due to them being a number one team, and playing at home to a team that won one game last year. The lesson? Don’t bet against Jim Harbaugh.

Coincidently, the BCS polls were released last Monday and atop sits Ohio State, Southern Florida, and Boston College. That collective scream you heard Monday morning is the exasperation of dozens of executives at the Fox Network seeing their potential TV ratings hinge on the likes of Southern Florida and Boston College. In that same thread of thought, now there’s a Harris interactive poll which includes a group of former players, coaches, administrators and media members who rank the college teams each week?! How many effing polls do we need to tell America that Ohio State is good, LSU and OU will bounce back and leapfrog the pretenders, Hawaii is overrated, the Big 12’s underrated, and that Texas A&M has no hope with a lame duck coach?

As for week 8, two things I wanted to express my thoughts on:

1) Texas Tech, although in the top 25 for the first time this year in all twelve-super-duper-BCS-AP-Harris-American Idol-USA Today-Myspace polls does not deserve to be there in my opinion. Yet. In a season of ultimate parity in terms of many Cinderella teams jumping over perennial powerhouses in the polls, its understandable that at 6-1, the Red Raiders are the next best choice to be placed in the top 25. However with obvious repercussions, their ranking will not be validated without a win this weekend at Missouri, who have absolutely owned the Red Raiders over recent years. This game will be a huge statement against naysayers who point out Texas Tech’s success versus bad teams with bad 2ndaries. If not, they will fall out of the top 25 as quickly as they came in.

2) Michigan quietly sneaking back into the top 25 after starting out 0-2, winning 5 in a row with wins on their resume such as the whitewash of Notre Dame, a ranked Penn State, and Purdue. With Illinois, Wisconsin and Ohio State still to be played, it will be interesting to see how the Wolverines try to redeem themselves from that week one debacle against Appalachian State.

Enjoy this weekend! And remember, getting Crabs is the newest rage!

Let the hype begin. Belichick vs. Phillips, Brady vs. Romo, Moss vs. T.O., Maroney vs. Barber III, 3-4 vs. 3-4, Patriots vs. Cowboys, “America’s Team (at least in 2001) vs. America’s Team (70s and 90s).” As Terrell Owens said, “Get ya popcorn ready.” Although I think he meant, get ya chips and dips ready. Does anyone really eat popcorn during a football game? While the metaphor is lost on me, what’s not lost is the sheer magnitude of this Sunday’s game. Two 5-0 teams, two of the more loved/hated teams in America, and two media-magnet-attention-whoring teams.

Amidst the endless banter, game analysis, breakdowns, and interviews, Sunday’s game will help determine if the NFC has made any strides in closing the talent gap between them and the recent dominance of the AFC. It will also display two of the more exciting offenses in the league as well as two of the more solid defenses. In the end, I believe America will get their money’s worth. So while you may not be a fan of the Cowboys, or the Patriots, any true football fan worth his/her salt will not miss this game. It’s almost useless to make bold predictions because as the old adage goes, on any given Sunday, anything can happen, anything goes. We may be in for a balanced game between exhibitions of offense mixed with stout defensive plays, or a complete blowout by the visitors, or even a whitewash delivered (I would prefer this one!) by the hosts.

Sure there are twelve other football games, but can you really pull away from the natural drama that surrounds a hype-filled orgasm of a game that is New England vs. Dallas? Look for the Cowboys to try to finally exorcise their Moss demons (in 6 games vs. Dallas, Moss has an undefeated record with 29 receptions, 675 reception yards, 23.3 yards per catch, and 10 TDs), who has continually made them pay for passing on him in the 1998 draft. Coming off a gift-wrapped, if not improbable and emotional win vs. Buffalo on Monday night, the question will be if the Cowboys are for real, or just pretenders benefiting from a cakewalk schedule. Just as well, the Patriots have coasted through a soft schedule that would make even Hawaii’s 2007 schedule seem like a guillotine. The difference is however, there is little doubt that the Patriots are a dominant team, and a favorite to win the Super Bowl. The truth is, the immense popularity and love/hate relationship for these two teams with an undefeated record on the line makes for a very entertaining game.

This is truly the game of the year, no questions about it, even if you are a casual fan or a hardcore fantasy football junkie, you won’t miss it. IF you do, figure skating on ABC should be just as exciting. From Los Angeles, “Frosted Pink” offers a mixture of artistry and athleticism as skaters strive to demonstrate their mastery of triple axels and double toe loops… but I digress.

On to the picks:

NFL YTD: 38-32-6
Last week: 9-5-0

Tennessee Titans +3 @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Minnesota Vikings +5 @ Chicago Bears

Houston Texans @ Jacksonville Jaguars -6.5

Miami Dolphins +4.5 @ Cleveland Browns

St. Louis Rams +9.5 @ Baltimore Ravens

Washington Redskins @ Green Bay Packers -3

Cincinnati Bengals @ Kansas City Chiefs +3

Philadelphia Eagles -3 @ New York Jets

Carolina Panthers @ Arizona Cardinals -4.5

Oakland Raiders +9.5 @ San Diego Chargers

New England Patriots @ Dallas Cowboys +5.5

New Orleans Saints @ Seattle Seahawks -6.5

New York Giants @ Atlanta Falcons +8

Enjoy the weekend, and get ya guacamole ready! :)

Week 7 of NCAA football is upon us and few things have surprised me thus far:

• Appalachian State over Michigan? (saw it coming)
• Colorado over Oklahoma? (took the points)
• Kansas State over Texas? (not really an upset, they beat them at the end of last year)
• Stanford over USC? (though they were 40+ underdogs, I had no doubt Jim Harbaugh aka “Captain Comeback” would lead the Cardinals to a win at the Coliseum)

Okay so while that may be hard to believe, one thing for sure is that this is shaping to be one of the wildest seasons to date with a guaranteed BCS controversy to ensue at the end of the season when Notre Dame hurdles Hawaii for a BCS spot with a 3-9 record versus Hawaii’s 11-1 (it could happen… don’t be surprised if it does). At press time, LSU holds the undisputed number one spot, with no mental hiccups, the rest of the schedule works out favorably for the Tigers if they keep focus. Smart money’s on a LSU/Ohio State BCS title match-up.

However all of that pales in comparison to the fact that getting crabs is the newest fad. In Lubbock, Texas, its easier to obtain than you think. This week versus visiting Texas A&M, it’s certainly better than getting lyme disease or rabies (wink wink). All kidding aside, I hope WR Michael Crabtree is ready to quote, “bring his A-game when he faces Danny Gorrer.” If you said, “oh right Danny Gorrer”, you must be from College Station. If you said, “who?!?”, you must be from Lubbock. If you said, “who cares?”, you must be from the rest of the country.

However if you give a flying hoot about the Big 12, then you would realize this week’s game pits two of the current top (thats right) teams in the Big 12 south. For A&M, a win will exorcise demon’s past in struggling to beat the Red Raiders, and a right direction towards competing in a weak Big 12 south. As for Tech, a win will continue their recent dominance over the Aggies, and catapult them back into the Big 12 title race. A new defensive coordinator figures to be a quick fix to complement their juggernaut offense and hopefully translate into a winning streak and a perfect opportunity to snag their first Big 12 south title in a down year seemingly for both Texas and Oklahoma. We get Oklahoma at home, and travel to Texas. One game at a time of course, as the Red Raiders are known to lose games they should win, and lose games they have no chance to win. Until one of the two changes, they will not be taken seriously any time soon.

Nevertheless its hard to take any school serious when the biggest headlines out of Lubbock are Vick-inspired T-shirts, and our own fans rip up the benches at our own stadium in a drunken fashion for no reason at all other than to see how many students they can force into needing tetanus shots due to being hit by a metal bench. It’s easy to forgive such nincompoopery when the co-eds are easy on the eyes.

Prediction: Texas Tech wins even though Texas A&M Running back Jorvorskie Lane guarantees a win this Saturday. If you said “who?”, then you should be ashamed of yourself. He ran for 2 yards on two attempts against Miami (don’t worry he will get his against Tech’s porous run defense).

Enjoy the game! and watch out for flying metal benches and roving goalposts horizontally shoved into the visitors’ section. :)

Win at all costs. Do whatever it takes. Go the extra yard. Outplay your opponent, out-think him, out-muscle him, out-hustle him, whatever it takes. Cheat if you have to. Wait, I don’t quite remember that last line being as popular in pre-game speeches from coaches all over America. Maybe with the exception of one. Despite all the speculation surrounding head coach Bill Belichick of the New England Patriots, two things are clear: Belichick is a good coach, and he was caught cheating. Plain and simple. Doesn’t matter if “everyone is doing it”, he simply got caught. That’s like saying, “but Mom, everyone’s doing it.” And when she said, “if everyone jumped off a cliff, would you do it?” A good answer would be, “if I didn’t die, sure.”

So while everyone may be doing it, Belichick had the cojones to do it again after repeated warnings, on week 1 in New York, the headquarters of the NFL, no less. Yes I realize this story has been dragged on and on, but I had to rehash it to my two loyal readers (one being myself) after listening to Jaworski’s silly comment on MNF. I actually enjoy listening to Jaws, as I feel he offers some of the best insights among the mindless drivel that ESPN doles out, but this one was inexcusable. Making excuses for cheating by saying, “the man just wants to win”, is not a valid reason to blatantly tarnish the “integrity” of the game, whatever is left anyways.

Meanwhile, we do have an interesting undefeated race going on in the NFL, between the Colts, Cowboys, Patriots and Packers. It’s a media-frenzy/TV rating’s orgasm surrounding Peyton Manning (the man who never met a commercial he didn’t like) and the Colts, Belicheat (not very original will have to think of a better one), Tom-my-baby’s-daddy- Brady and the Patriots, Brett Favre and the Packers, and of course the Cowboys (and the peculiar fact that T.O. has been the least interesting storyline so far this season; give him time though I have faith).

Week 5 picks:

NFL YTD: 29-27-6
Last week: 6-8-0

Atlanta +8.5 @ Tennessee

Miami @ Houston -5.5

Jacksonville -2 @ Kansas City

Arizona @ St. Louis +3.5

Cleveland +16.5 @ New England

Carolina @ New Orleans -3

New York Jets +3.5 @ New York Giants

Seattle @ Pittsburgh -6

Detroit +7 @ Washington

Tampa Bay @ Indianapolis -10

San Diego +1.5 @ Denver

Baltimore @ San Francisco +3.5

Chicago +3 @ Green Bay

Dallas @ Buffalo +10