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Does life imitate fantasy football? Or does fantasy football imitate life? Have I taken a borderline obsessive hobby too far? If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you may also acquiesce to the level of my insanity. Yes, finally after weeks of stonewalling, reputation tarnishing, and struggling to score points, my fantasy team will soon have the services of Michael Crabtree! Oh… and the San Francisco 49ers have successfully signed the media proclaimed, “mercurial” rookie wideout to a 6-year deal worth 17 million dollars in guaranteed money.

Roughly speaking, the agreed contract translates to an extra million to the 49er’s previous offer and an extra year tacked on. Both sides can claim victory as the Niners “only” added an extra mil and another year onto their previous 5-year deal of 16 million guaranteed while Crabtree didn’t look like he crossed the picket line for naught. He could also conceivably use this as a chip on his shoulder to destroy the Oakland Raiders and WR Darrius Heyward-Bey (the unintentional source of all this hoopla and the recipient of 23 million over 5 years that Crabtree so desired in equality or excess) every time they play each other much like the way Randy Moss destroys the Dallas Cowboys every time he laces up against them.

That means after months of standoffs and surprisingly mild (by today’s standards at least) barbs between the two sides, the ordeal has concluded with Crabtree reporting to camp on Wednesday and properly meeting his new teammates. Stealing an ingenious reference from one of my friends, the Niners didn’t have Crabs, but still had VD (TE Vernon Davis). Not so anymore, a 3 and 1 rejuvenated once proud franchise haunted by recent years of mediocrity now can move on and hope Michael Crabtree can become the deep threat they desperately need to complement an already solid team.

Shamelessly and vehemently without any regard for human life, or objectivity (today at least) will this amateur blogger defend the best thing to happen to Texas Tech University football since Carlos “Larry” Francis. Admittedly, the length of the holdout, the media bytes/comments that he could sit out the season based on irrelevant non-applicable pre-draft rankings, and other various shenanigans cast a looming shadow over Crabtree’s reputation.

In his defense mentioned in previous articles, for a viciously violent sport without guaranteed contracts, wherein a team can cut a player at any time for any reason, one can sympathize for a second that a player should try to get as much as he can upfront. Michael Crabtree has not done anything illegal or underhanded, he and his agent unfortunately (or fortunately in their case) had been operating within the boundaries of the rookie salary system set forth by the NFL. At risk of damaging his reputation to the sporting public and his teammates, he was simply looking out for himself and his family. Selfish maybe, but at the end of the night, I’m willing to bet my own salary (snicker) that Crabtree will sleep soundly.

From this point on, his path is laid before him and how he chooses to handle it will determine his place in football lore for the player once quoted as wanting to be the “Jordan of football”. Evidently the desire is there, and despite rumors of his underwhelming work ethic, Michael Crabtree can quickly win over his teammates and 49er fans everywhere by proving naysayers wrong with a fresh start.

As for the important nugget of this news, my self-proclaimed badass of a fantasy football team hobbles into week 5 with a 2-2 record, and 10th overall in scoring in a league of 12 teams. Ouch. I need help. Inconsistency from Tony Romo, and Matt Hasselbeck pooping Myoplex while I have to lean on rookie Mark Sanchez to anchor my 2nd QB spot has my embarrassing fake team reeling. Most of all my WR corp or my WR corpses I should say, are stinking up the joint and combined have scored on average less than my freaking kicker!

Intolerable. Braylon Edwards, Eddie “Van” Royal, and Chris Henry do not cut it. I have had to enlist the likes of Pierre Garcon, and Earl Bennett to stop the bleeding but even my optimism wanes every time I scream “Garcooooooooon!” at my TV on Sundays. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, with the trade of Braylon Edwards to the New York J-E-T-S the same day his Crabness finally signed with the 49ers. In the scheme of things, Braylon Edward’s new digs and Michael Crabtree’s hopefully quick insertion in the starting lineup are the jump starts my fantasy football team desperately needs. I truly think Cleveland is a cursed sports town, and more importantly the Browns are a poorly run organization. When you trade a mediocre coach for another mediocre coach and your locker room still is at risk for the Bubonic Plague (OK OK I jest but chronic Staph infections are no laughing matter), that doesn’t exactly exude a team on the rise. Edwards could use a fresh start with the Jets and QB Joe Willy Sanchez slinging him the deep ball. Besides, when you are under investigation for punching an entourage posse member of Lebron James, you know its time to leave town.

Truly a circus ride on the insanity train today with Edward’s trade and Crabtree’s cathartic end to his contract holdout. Thankfully all this craziness was calmed by the knowledge that MC Hammer (that’s right) mediated the contract negotiations. A year ago, financial stalwart and the world’s richest man, Warren Buffett stepped in and helped Alex Rodriguez resume his contract negotiations with the New York Yankees. Now the sports world is instead graced by his holy-Hammer-the-reverend-Hammertime. Indeed. “You Can’t Touch This”, and Michael Crabtree is now “2 Legit 2 Quit”.

The only thing that could top this would be a triple threat STEEL CAGE match between Deion “Primetime” Sanders, MC Hammer, and Mike Singletary. My money would be on Mike Singletary every time.